Till Death Do Us Part

Today, the average adult will change their mobile phone every two years and change their job ten to fifteen times in their working lifetime. Contrast that to seventy odd years ago, when people couldn’t even dream of owning a phone they could carry around with them and would most likely expect to work in the same job for life. It’s not statistical but it certainly feels like society’s changed in the last three generations. A mindset of permanence and stability has given way to a culture where choice is more important than familiarity and immediacy more valued than immersion.

It seems that this mindset may have translated to the way we view relationships too. According to the Office of National Statistics there were 426,241 marriages in England and Wales in 1972 compared with 263,640 in 2012, which is some drop, especially considering the overall population has increased by a good few million in those forty years*. There are many factors influencing these figures of course but I don’t think anyone could deny that British society’s values have changed significantly in just a few decades.

So what? Some might say. People are entitled to make up their own minds about things aren’t they?

Well, of course they are, we wouldn’t be much of a democracy if they weren’t (and besides, God Himself, the ultimate arbiter of everything, positively endorses free choice, so we’d be, quite literally, going against nature if we didn’t agree), but a number of big questions remain: What are we basing our choices on? What’s influencing our reasoning? And what’s changed in the last half a century or so to so radically alter the perception of a nation?

A few things to think about on a bright summer’s evening. A little heavy perhaps but we’ll worth wrestling with. (And, no, I don’t have the answers but I do know someone that does...)

Still, there are some things to celebrate. My wonderful wife and I enjoyed our eighth wedding anniversary last week. It’s been quite a ride so far and I’m looking forward to the road ahead. We love each other but don’t always see eye to eye. We’re still learning to communicate healthily and effectively and, yes, still do it very badly at times. We fall down and pick ourselves up again. We get annoyed with each other but still delight in the connection we have. We’ve learnt some important lessons along the way and have many more still to learn. It’s an adventure designed for two and it beats the stuffing out of anything we could ever do alone. Till death do us part, or so the vow goes, and that‘s our enduring aim; knowing, wonderfully, that death’s parting is only ever fleeting and that the blessed road goes ever on.

Marriage is a gift. Let’s treasure it, nurture it, and encourage one another to grow in it and through it.

One last pithy thought before I sigh off:

We may live in a culture of increasing impermanence but we don’t have to buy into its ever shifting mindset. Let’s celebrate our traditions and be radical for a change...

Till next time.

*Divorce figures have also sadly remained fairly constant in that timeframe, with 119,025 married couples divorcing in 1972 and 118,140 in 2012. It appears that the percentage of couples entering into and remaining in marriage has dropped significantly in the last forty years.